Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal Chapter 23

Part V belovedI am light, now I fly, now I run through myself beneath myself, now a paragon dances through me.FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHEChapter 23We rode Vana sum toward the Silk Road, skirting the great Indian desert that had or so shooted Alexander the Greats forces as they re absent-key to Persia subsequently conquering half(a) of the jazzn world, three centuries in the engineer. Although it would brook saved a month to cut through the desert, jollyua was not confident near his ability to conjure confabulatemly water for Vana. A man should hornswoggle the lessons of history, and although I insisted that Alexanders men had probably been tired from any that conquering, while twit and I had basic on the wholey been sitting or so at the b each(prenominal) for dickens age, he insisted we take the less hostile r turn upe through Delhi, and north into what is now Pakistan until we joined the Silk Road once again.A picayune slipway drink the Silk Road I thought we rece ived an both(prenominal)(prenominal) other cognitive content from bloody shame. We had stopped to hasten a short rest. When we resumed the journey, Vana happened to walk over where she had in force(p) d hotshot her business and the pile was pressed into the perfect uniformness of a womans face, dark poo against the light gray dust.Look, Josh, theres another message from your dumbfound.Josh glanced and looked away. Thats not my mother.But look, in the elephant poop, its a womans face.I drive in, exclusively its not my mother. Its kinky because of the medium. It doesnt even look akin her. Look at the eyes.I had to jump to the back of the elephant to thrum another angle on it. He was right, it wasnt his mother. I guess youre right. The medium obscured the message.Thats what Im takeing.Ill bet it looks like some geniuss mom, though.With the detour around the desert, we were virtually two months experienceting to Kabul. Although Vana was an intrepid walker, as I throw a way mentioned, she was a less than agile climber, so we often had to take ache detours to get her through the mountains of Afghanistan. Josh and I both knew that we could not take her into the high, granitic desert once we mooted Kabul, so we agreed to leave the elephant with wallow, if we could fall out the erst courtesan.Once in Kabul we asked around the market for any countersign of a Chinese woman named Tiny Feet of the Divine Dance of jocund Orgasm, scarcely no one had heard of her, nor had they seen a woman only if named Joy. After a full day of searching, Joshua and I were ab place to spargon the search for our comrade when I remembered something she had once verbalize to me. I asked a local tea seller.Is there a woman who lives around here, a very rich woman perhaps, who calls herself the firedrake Lady or something like that?Oh, yes sir, the fellow verbalize, and he shuddered as he spoke, as if a loosen had run across his neck. She is called the ferocious a nd Accursed Dragon Princess. slight name, I tell to Joy as we rode through the massive stone render into the courtyard of her palace.A woman simply, it friends to progress to your re dedicateation precede you, said the Cruel and Accursed Dragon Princess. She looked close to exactly as she had almost nine geezerhood ago when we had leftover, except perhaps that she wore a short more jewelry. She was petite, and delicate, and beautiful. She wore a white silk robe embroidered with dragons and her blue-black hair hung strike down her back almost to her knees, held in place by a wiz silver band that dependable kept it from sweeping around her shoulders when she turned. Nice elephant, she added.Shes a present, Joshua said.Shes lovely.Do you have a couple of camels you arouse sp atomic number 18, Joy? I asked.Oh, Biff, I had really hoped that you two would sleep with me tonight.Well, Id love to, only Josh is thus far sworn false the muffin.Young men? I have a number of man-b oys I keep around for, well, you bed. non those either, Joshua said.Oh Joshua, my poor shortsighted christ. Ill bet no one made you Chinese food for your birthday this year either?We had rice, Joshua said.Well, well see what the Accursed Dragon Princess can do to make up for that, said Joy.We climbed down from the elephant and transfer hugs with our old friend, then a stern guard in bronzy chain mail led Vana away to the s control panels and four guards with spears flanked us as Joy led us into the main house.A woman alone? I said, looking at the guards that seemed to stand at every doorway.In my heart, darling, Joy said. These arent friends, family, or lovers, these are employees.Is that the Accursed percent of your new surname? Joshua said.I could drop it, just be the Cruel Dragon Princess, if you two pauperization to stay on.We cant. Weve been called ingleside.Joy nodded dolefully and led us into the program library (filled with Balthasars old books), where coffee was se rved by young men and women who Joy had plainly brought from China. I thought of all the girls, my friends and my lovers, who had been killed by the demon so gigantic ago, and swallowed my coffee around a lump in my throat.Joshua was as kindle as I had seen him in a ache season. It might have been the coffee. You wont believe the wonderful things Ive reckoned since I left here, Joy. About macrocosm the agent of change (change is at the root of belief, you know), and rough compassion for everyone because everyone is part of another, and most important, that there is a bit of deity in each of us in India they call it the Divine Spark.He rambled on like that for an hour, and eventually my melancholy passed and I was infected by Joshuas enthusiasm for the things he had demanded from the Magi.Yes, I added, and Josh can climb inside a standard-size wine amphora. You have to bust him out with a hammer, precisely its interest to watch.And you, Biff? Joy asked, smiling into her cu p.Well, after supper Ill show you a little something I like to call Water Buffalo Teasing the Seeds out of the Pomegranate.That sounds Dont worry, its not that hard to learn. I have pictures.We were four old age at Joys palace, enjoying comfort, food, and drink such as we hadnt experienced since wed last seen her. I could have stayed forever, but on the morning of the fifth day Joshua stood at the portal to Joys bedchamber, his sitchel slung over his shoulder. He didnt say a word. He didnt have to. We shared breakfast with Joy and she met us at the gate to say hefty-bye. convey for the elephant, she said.Thanks for the camels, Joshua said.Thanks for the sex book, Joy said.Thanks for the sex, I said.Oh, I forgot, you owe me a hundred rupees, Joy said. I had told her well-nigh Kashmir. The Cruel and Accursed Dragon Princess gr student lodginged at me. Just kidding. Be well, my friend. Keep that amulet I gave you and remember me, huh?Of course. I kissed her and climbed on my camel s back, then coaxed him to his feet.Joy embraced Joshua and kissed him on the lips, hard and long. He didnt seem to be trying to push her away.Hey, we had develop go, Josh, I said.Joy held the Messiah at arms length and said, You are endlessly welcome here, you know that?Josh nodded, then climbed on his camel. Go with idol, Joy, he said. As we rode through the gates of the palace the guards shot fire arrows that trailed long tails of sparks over us until they exploded above the road onwards Joys last good-bye to us, a tribute to the friendship and arcane companionship we had all shared. It s finagled the bejeezus out of the camels.After we had been on the road awhile, Joshua asked, Did you say goodbye to Vana?I intended to, but when I went to the stable she was practicing her yoga and I didnt want to disturb her.No kidding?Really, she was sitting in one of the postures you taught her.Joshua pull a faced. It didnt pain anything for him to believe that.The journey on the Silk R oad through the high deserts took us over a month, but it was fairly uneventful, except for one attack by a small group of bandits. When I caught the scratch two spears they flung at me and flung them right back, wounding the two who had thrown them, they turned and ran. The weather was mild, or as mild as one can expect in a deadly and brutal desert, but by now Joshua and I had traveled so much in this assort of harsh country that there was little that affected us. Just before we reached Antioch, however, a sandstorm whipped up out of the desert that left us hiding between our camels for two days, breathing through our shirts and washing the grind to a halt out of our addresss every season we took a drink. The storm settled enough to travel, and we were at a veritable gallop in the streets of Antioch when Joshua located an inn by impacting with its sign on his forehead. He was knocked back off his camel and sat up in the street with blood streaming down his face. ar you hurt badly? I asked, kneeling beside him. I could barely see in the driving dust.Joshua looked at the blood on his hands where he had touched his forehead. I dont know. It doesnt hurt that badly, but I cant break up.Inside, I said, portion him to his feet and through the door of the inn.Shut the door, the innkeeper shouted as the roam whipped through the room. Were you born in a barn?Yeah, said Joshua.He was, I said. Angels on the roof, though.Shut the damn door, said the innkeeper.I left Joshua sitting there by the door while I went out and tack together shelter for the camels. When I returned Joshua was wiping his face with a linen paper stuff that someone had handed to him. A couple of men stood over him, eager to help. I handed the cloth to one of them and examined Joshs wounds. Youll live. A big blast and two cuts, but youll live. You cant do the healing thing on Joshua agitate his head.Hey, look at this, one of the travelers who had helped Joshua said, guardianship up the piece of linen Joshua had used to wipe his face. The dust and blood from Joshs face had left a perfect likeness on the linen, even handprints where hed gotten blood from his head wound. dejection I keep this? the fellow said. He was speaking Latin, but with a strange accent.Sure, I said. Where are you fellahs from?Were from the Ligurian tribe, from the territories north of Rome. A city on the Po river called Turin. Have you heard of it?No, I havent. You know, you fellahs can do what you want with that cloth, but out on my camel Ive got some erotic drawings from the East that are outlet to be worth something someday. I can let you have them for a very fair price.The Turinians went off holding their pathetic knock of muddy cloth like it was some kind of holy relic. beastly curs wouldnt know art if you nailed them to it. I bandaged Joshuas wounds and we relegateed into the inn for the night.In the morning we decided to keep our camels and take the land route home through capital of Syria. As we passed out of the gates of Damascus on the lowest leg home, Joshua started to worry.Im not ready to be the Messiah, Biff. If Im being called home to lead our people I dont even know where to start. I understand the things I want to teach, but I dont have the words yet. Melchior was right about that. Before anything you have to have the word.Well its not just way out to come to you in a flash here on the Damascus road, Josh. That sort of thing doesnt happen. Youre obviously supposed to learn what you need to know in its own time. To everything a season, yada, yada, yadaMy bugger off could have made instruction all this easier. He could have just told me what I was supposed to do.I wonder how Maggies doing. You look she got fat?Im trying to talk about God here, about the Divine Spark, about molding the solid ground to our people.I know you are, so am I. Do you want to do all of that without help?I guess not.Well, thats why I was muster uping about Maggie. She was smarter than us before we left, shes probably smarter than us now.She was smart, wasnt she? She wanted to be a fisherman, said Josh, grinning. I could tell that the thought of seeing Maggie tickled him.You cant tell her about all the whores, Josh.I wont.Or Joy and the girls. Or the old woman with no teeth.I wont tell her about any of them, not even the yak. in that location was nothing with the yak. The yak and I werent even on speaking terms.You know, she probably has a dozen children by now.I know. I sighed. They should be mine.And mine. Joshua sighed back.I looked at him as he rode beside me in a sea of piano loping camel waves. He was staring off at the horizon, looking forlorn. Yours and mine? You think they should be yours and mine?Sure, why not. You know I love all the little You are such a doofus some propagation.Do you think shell remember us? I mean, how we all were back then?I thought about it and shuddered. I hope not. No sooner did we pass into Galilee than we beg an to hear about what hindquarters the Baptist was doing in Judea.Hundreds have followed him into the desert, we heard in Gischala.Some say he is the Messiah, one man told us in Baca.Herod is afraid of him, said a woman in arsea.Hes another fed up(p) holy man, said a Roman soldier in Sepphoris. The Jews gunstock them like rabbits. I hear he drowns anyone who doesnt agree with him. First conscious idea Ive heard since I was sent to this accursed territory.May I have your name, soldier? I asked.Caius Junius, of the Sixth Legion.Thank you. Well keep you in mind. To Josh I said, Caius Junius front of the line when we start shoving Romans out of the kingdom into the fiery abyss.What did you say? said the Roman.No, no, dont thank me, you earned it. Right at the front of the line you go, Caius.Biff Josh barked, and once he had my oversight he whispered, Try not to get us thrown into prison before we get home, please.I nodded and waved to the legionnaire as we rode away. Just barbar ic Jew talk. Pay no attention. Whimper Fidelis, I said.We have to find John after we see our families, Joshua said.Do you think that hes really claiming to be the Messiah?No, but it sounds like he knows how to get the word out.We rode into Nazareth a half hour later.I suppose we expected more upon our arrival. Cheering maybe, little children running at our heels begging for tales of our great adventures, tears and laughter, kisses and hugs, strong shoulders to deport the conquering heroes through the streets. What wed forgotten was that while we were traveling, having adventures, and experiencing wonders, the people of Nazareth had been living through the same old day-to-day crap a lot of days had passed, and a lot of crap. When we rode up to Joshuas old house, his brother pile was works outside under the awning, shaving a piece of olive timber into a strut for a camel saddle. I knew it was James the moment I saw him. He had Joshuas narrow hooked nose and wide eyes, but his fac e was more weathered than Joshs, and his body heavier with muscle. He looked ten years older than Joshua rather than the two years younger that he was.He put down his spoke shave and stepped out in the sunlight, holding up a hand to shield his eyes.Joshua?Joshua tapped his camel on the back of his knees with the long riding crop and the beast lowered him to the ground.James Joshua climbed off the camel and went to his brother, his build up out as if to embrace him, but James stepped back.Ill go tell Mother that her favorite son has returned. James turned away and I saw the tears literally shoot out of Joshuas eyes into the dust.James, Joshua was pleading. I didnt know. When?James turned and looked his half brother in the eye. There was no pity there, no grief, just anger. Two months ago, Joshua. Joseph died two months ago. He asked for you.I didnt know, Joshua said, still holding his arms out for the embrace that wasnt going to come.Go inside. Mother has been waiting for you. She s tarts every morning wondering if this is the day youll return. Go inside. He turned away as Joshua went past him into the house, then James looked up at me. The last thing he said was allege the bastard I love him.The bastard? I said as I coaxed my camel to let me down.Thats what he constantly called Joshua. I wonder how the bastard is doing. I wonder where the bastard is today? Always talking about the bastard. And Mother yammering on always about how Joshua did this, and Joshua did that, and what great things Joshua would do when he returned. And all the while Im the one looking out for my brothers and childs, taking care of them when Father got sick, taking care of my own family. Still, was there any convey? A kind word? No, I was doing nothing more than paving material Joshuas road. You have no idea what its like to always be warrant to Joshua.Really, I said. Youll have to tell me about that sometime, I said. Tell Josh if he require me Ill be at my lets house. My sire i s still alive, isnt he?Yes, and your mother too.Oh good, I didnt want to put one of my brothers through fault the painful news. I turned and led my camel away.Go with God, Levi, James said.I turned. James, it is scripted, To the work you are entitled, but not the fruits thereof.Ive never heard that. Where is that written?In the Bhagavad Gita, James. Its a long poem about going into battle, and this warriors god tells him not to worry about killing his kinsmen in battle, because they are already dead, they just dont know it yet. I dont know what made me think of it.My father hugged me until I thought hed broken my ribs, then he handed me off to my mother, who did the same until she seemed to come to her senses, then she began to cuff me about the head and shoulders with her sandal, which she had whipped off with surprising speed and dexterity for a woman her age.Seventeen years youre gone and you couldnt write?You dont know how to read.So you couldnt send word, smart mouth?I fended off the blows by directing their energy away from me, as I had been taught at the monastery, and soon two small boys who I didnt take in were catching the brunt of the beating. Fearing lawsuits from small strangers, I caught my mothers arms and hugged them to her sides as I looked at my father, nodded to the two little ones, and raised my eyebrows as if to say, Who are the squirts?Those are your brothers, Moses and Japeth, my father said. Moses is six and Japeth is five.The little guys grinned. Both were missing front teeth, probably sacrificed to the squirming tube-nosed fruit bat I was currently holding at bay. My father beamed as if to say, I can still build the aqueduct laic a little pipe, if you know what I mean when I need to.I scowled as if to say, Look, I was barely able to hold on to my respect for you when I found out what you did to make the starting three of us these little fellows are only evidence that youve no memory for suffering.Mother, if I let you go will yo u calm down? I looked over her shoulder at Japeth and Moses. I used to tell people she was besought by a demon, do you guys do that? I winked at them.They giggled as if to say, Please, end our suffering, kill us, kill us now, or kill this bitch that plagues us like the discombobulates of Job. Okay, maybe I was just imagining thats what they were saying. Maybe they were just giggling.I let my mother go and she backed off. Japeth, Moses, Mother said, come meet Biff. Youve heard your father and me talk about our oldest disappointment well, this is him. Now run and get your other brothers, Ill go fix something nice.My brothers Shem and Lucius brought their families and joined us for dinner and we all lay around the table as Mother served us something nice, Im not veritable what it was. (I know Ive said that I was the oldest of three brothers, and obviously, with the squirts, it was five, but dammit, by the time I met Japeth and Moses I was too old to have the time to torment them, so they never really paid their dues as brothers. They were more like, oh, pets.) Mother, Ive brought you a gift from the East, I said, running out to the camel to retrieve a package.What is it?Its a breeding mongoose, I said, tapping on the cage. The little scamp tried to second the pad off of my finger.But theres only one.Well, there were two, but one escaped, so now theres one. Theyll attack a snake ten times their size.It looks like a rat.I lowered my voice and whispered conspiratorially, In India, the women train them to sit on their heads like hats. Very fashionable. Of course the delirium hasnt reached Galilee yet, but in Antioch, no self-respecting woman will go out of the house without wearing a mongoose.Really, said Mother, looking at the mongoose in a new light. She took the cage and stowed it gently away in the corner, as if it contained a delicate egg, rather than a vicious toy of herself. So, said Mother, waving to her two daughters-in-law and the half-dozen grandchil dren that loitered near the table, your brothers married and gave me grandchildren.Im happy for them, Mother.Shem and Lucius hid their grins can a crust of flatbread the same way they did when we were little and Mother was big(p) me hell.All the places you traveled, you never met a nice girl you could settle down with?No, Mother.You can embrace a gentile, you know. It would break my heart, but why did the tribes almost wipe out the Benjamites if it wasnt so a desperate boy could marry a gentile if he needs to? Not a Samaritan, but, you know, some other gentile. If you have to.Thanks, Mother, Ill keep that in mind.Mother pretended to find some lint or something on my collar, which she picked at while she said, So your friend Joshua never married either? You heard about his little sister Miriam, didnt you? Here her voice went to a conspiratorial whisper. Started wearing mens raiment and ran off to the island of Lesbos. Back to normal nudging tone. Thats Greek, you know? You boys d idnt go to Greece on your travels, did you?No, Mother, I really have to go.I tried to stand and she grabbed me. Its because your father has a Greek name, isnt it? I told you, Alphaeus, change the name, but you said you were proud of it. Well, I hope youre proud of it now. Whats next, Lucius here will start hanging Jews on crosses like the other Romans?Im not a Roman, Mother, Lucius said wearily. Lots of good Jews have Latin names.Not that it matters, Mother, but how do you think they get more Greeks?To my mothers credit, she stopped for a second to think. I used the placidity to escape.Nice to see you guys. I nodded to all of my relatives, old and new. Ill come by and visit before I go. I have to go check on Joshua. And I was out the door.I threw the door open at Joshuas old house without even knocking, nearly coldcocking Joshuas brother Judah in the process. Josh, youve got to bring the kingdom soon or Im going to have to kill my mother.She still plagued by demons? asked Judah, wh o looked exactly as he had when he was four, except for the whiskers and the receding hairline, but he was as wide-eyed and goofy of smile as he had ever been.No, I was just being anticipant when I used to say that.Will you join us for supper? said bloody shame. Thank God she had aged gone a little thicker around the hips and waist, developed some lines at the corner of her eyes and mouth. Now she was just the second or third most beautiful creature on earth.Love to, I said.James must have been home with his married woman and children, as I guessed were the other sisters and brothers, except for Miriam, and Id already been apprised of her whereabouts. At the table it was only Mary, Joshua, Judah, his pretty wife, Ruth, and two little redheaded girls that looked like their mother.I expressed my condolences for the familys loss, and Joshua filled me in on the timing of events. About the time that I spotted Marys portrait on the temple wall in Nicobar, Joseph had taken ill with some disease of the water. He started peeing blood, and in a week he was bedridden. He lingered only a week longer before he died. Hed been buried for two months now. I looked at Joshua as Mary related this part of the story and he shake his head, meaning, too long in the grave, theres nothing I can do. Mary had known nothing about a message calling us home.Even if you two had only been in Damascus youd have been prosperous to get here in time. He went so fast. She was strong, had recovered slightly from the loss, but Joshua appeared to still be in shock.You have to go find Joshuas cousin John, Mary said. Hes been preaching about the coming of the kingdom, of preparing the way for the Messiah.Weve heard, I said.Ill stay here with you, Mother, Joshua said. James is right, I have responsibilities. Ive shirked them too long.Mary touched her sons face and looked in his eyes. You will leave in the morning and you will find John the Baptist in Judea and you will do what God has ordained you do since he placed you in my womb. Your responsibilities are not to a bitter brother or an old woman.Joshua looked at me. Can you leave in the morning? I know its soon after being gone so long.Actually, I thought Id stay, Josh. Your mother needs someone to look after her, and shes still a relatively taking woman. I mean, a guy could do worse.Judah aspirated an olive pit and began spit up furiously until Joshua pounded him on the back and the pit shot across the room, sledding Judah gasping and staring at me through watery red eyes.I put my hand on Joshua and Judahs shoulders. I think I can learn to love you both as sons. I looked at the pretty but shy Ruth, who was tending the little girls. And you, Ruth, I hope that you can learn to love me as a slightly older, but incredibly dinky close uncle. And you, Mary Will you go with Joshua to Judea, Biff? Mary interrupted.Sure, first thing in the morning.Joshua and Judah were still staring at me as if theyd both been smacked in the f ace with a large fish. What? I said. How long have you guys known me? Jeez. Grow a sense of humor.Our father died, said Joshua.Yeah, but not today, I said. Ill meet you here in the morning.The next morning, as we rode through the square, we passed Bartholomew, the village idiot, who looked no worse or less tight for the years gone by, and who seemed to have come to some sort of collar with his doggy friends. Instead of jumping all over him as they always had, now they sat quietly before him in a group, as if listening to a sermon.Where have you been? Bart called to us.In the East.Why did you go there?We were looking for the Divine Spark, Joshua said. But we didnt know that when we left.Where are you going?To Judea, to find John the Baptist.He should be easier to find than the Spark. Can I come?Sure, I said. Bring your things.I dont have any things. accordingly bring your stench.That will follow on its own, Bartholomew said.And thus we became three.